Finding My Way Back
by MaverickJediSabyne
Summary: [KotFE, some spoilers for chapter XIV] It had been five years since that fateful day. The Mandalorians are united under the banner of Mandalore the Avenger. But some wounds never heal, and some who were long thought dead may not be so dead after all.


Over the tops of the buildings, the Darvannis sun began making its slow morning climb from the horizon to the sky. As it did, it painted both the buildings and the surrounding sands in vivid pastel hues. One wall might appear to be a soft pink, a patch of sand might be kissed with a mild orange, a boulder would be awash in reds, and the sky itself would be streaked with identical shades and hues, mirroring the ground beneath it.

Perched on his lookout point, Torian yawned, cracking his neck to alleviate its stiffness. It had been yet another uneventful night, yet he continued to take up the overnight watch on the off chance that something did wind up happening. He hadn't survived this long without being vigilant, knew that dropping one's guard even briefly could be a fatal mistake.

Silently, he looked down at the camp, his ears barely picking up traces of noise emanating from it. The camp was unusual for a Mandalorian camp in that it was largely quiet. Most Mandalorian camps were boisterous gatherings of fellow warriors, and all hours of both day and night were often punctuated by raised voices and the familiar sounds of metal striking metal. This camp was different; most of its inhabitants were either away on various patrols or were taking advantage of the rare downtime to rest and recover their energy. It was peaceful, a peace that was unsettling to the young warrior who helped watch over it.

Approaching footsteps told him that his relief had arrived. Standing up, Torian gingerly stretched limbs that were stiffened by another night of sitting and limited walking. Holding his sniper rifle in his hands, he raised his arms above his head as he arched his back, feeling the knots in his shoulders and spine loosen considerably. Once finished, he slid his rifle into its holster on his back before turning to his replacement for the morning watch. It was Liske, one of the younger recruits he had helped train. Had it already been four years since his return to Geonosis at hearing Mandalore's call? How quickly time moved when you were fighting a war that never seemed to end.

The younger warrior regarded him curiously. "Another night you couldn't sleep through, eh Torian?" he asked. Torian replied with a silent head shake; he had never been the kind of person who went to bed at a set hour, and the past five years had further eroded the sleep he got each night. And even when he would sleep, his mind replayed _that_ scene. The last time he ever saw her.

Not wanting Liske to see anything that might be perceived as weakness, Torian brushed past him, longing for the quiet of his bunk in the far corner of the camp. Before he had gone ten feet, however, Liske's voice made him pause.

"Wait! Mandalore gave me a message to pass along to you," he said. "She needed to speak with you right away."

Torian raised a curious eyebrow. "She tell you what it was about?" he asked.

"No. Only that she needed to speak with you before you headed to your bunk."

Torian answered with an understanding nod. It wasn't every day that Mandalore requested to speak with him, that was usually reserved for strategy sessions or when she had received important news. Whatever it was, he knew he shouldn't keep her waiting. Quickly, he left Liske behind, making his way to the small command center, the sunlight making his already-dry eyes burn more fiercely.

* * *

Shae Vizla, now styled Mandalore the Avenger, stood at the holoterminal, her lips pressed into a thin line as she recounted the conversation she had just finished. Theron Shan could be a pain, but the SIS agent had his uses; the fact he was easy on the eyes in spite of being nearly thirty years' her junior didn't hurt either. Smirking, she silently pondered the suggestion he had just relayed to her. The plan he was proposing had its risks, but what was risk to a Mandalorian? The riskier the proposition, the higher the honor, after all.

 _Kybrina_. That was a name Shae hadn't heard in a few years. She remembered the spirited Bounty Hunter who had challenged her on Rishi, and thus earned her respect. And now she was the Outlander, the one forming an alliance to stand against Zakuul and its tyrannical leaders. An alliance that embraced all who wished to join; Jedi, Sith, criminals, independents…all were welcome if they were willing to fight for their freedom.

Some things never changed. Even though Kybrina claimed she never wanted to be a leader in any capacity, she was typically the one who ended up taking the reins and stepping into the leader role anyway. Maybe the two of them weren't so different after all…

She lifted her head as she heard approaching footsteps. "Torian," she said simply.

He gave a nod in return. "Heard you wanted to speak to me?" he asked.

"I did." She folded her arms, the gold braid on her chestplate glinting in the light. "I just spoke with Agent Shan again. He and the Outlander discussed our plan to form an alliance, and our terms were accepted."

A small smile touched his lips. "Good news," he replied. "Could be a significant morale boost when word gets around."

"I agree. Having our every strategy crushed under Zakuul's heel is wearing the troops down. Having good news for a change could breathe new life into our campaign."

As she spoke, Shae observed his expression. She noted how he locked gazes with her for a second or two, then averted his eyes, could almost see the pain that flickered through his expression. It was something she had observed for some time now; she had been confused at first as to why he behaved that way, chalked most of it up to his nature as a tracker. Only later did she learn of his being married, and to Kybrina no less. Remembering the other woman's appearance and demeanor, Shae figured he had difficulty speaking to another woman who reminded him of his wife, Mandalore or no. Grief could be funny like that.

The thought crossed her mind to tell him the Outlander was his lost love. Just as quickly as it surfaced, she pushed it aside. No, she needed him to focus. If she divulged that information now, he might be more fixated on the Outlander than on the mission. Besides, he would learn the truth soon enough.

After several long moments, she finally spoke. "Good enough, Torian. Khomo and I will work together to formulate a strategy," she said. "You I need fresh and ready to accompany the Outlander. Go get some rest. I'll call you when the Outlander gets here."

"Got it." With one last nod, he departed.

* * *

With a heavy sigh, Torian flopped onto his bunk, rubbing his eyes with one gloved hand. "The Outlander joining us should be good news," he murmured to himself. "May be the turning point we've needed in this campaign…"

All thoughts of battle quieted as he thought of her again; red hair grazing her shoulders, eyes full of firm determination. Fighting a drawn-out battle like this was difficult enough without feeling as utterly alone as he did. Still, he had to press on, for her sake as well as her memory. She wouldn't want him to give up, to walk away when others were in need.

Shifting to his side, he picked up the holo that sat on top of his pack and activated it. An image slowly appeared, one he had looked at thousands of times before and never grown tired of. She stood there smiling, and he stood beside her with his arm around her waist. Between them, she held their daughter. Their little Ruu, who had wrapped him around her small fingers from the moment she was born.

His eyes burned, and he wiped away the stinging tears. He had been away from her for too long; when he received Mandalore's call, he arranged to have his mother care for her on Geonosis. He promised he would return for her soon, but with Zakuul forces blockading most planets and hyperspace routes 'soon' had now stretched into nearly three years. Communications were somehow mostly unaffected, though he sometimes had to hunt for a frequency that was stable enough to have a conversation on. But that was how he was watching his daughter grow up, over a holo. The thought killed him, he hoped she understood why he had to be away.

Which reminded him, he hadn't spoken with Geonosis in several days. Sitting up, he pulled his comm. Out of his pack, praying the frequency he had used before was still functional. He held his breath as he waited, letting it out as it successfully connected.

" _Torian. So good to hear from you_ ," The elder female voice was a mix of relief and reassurance. " _I had heard news of renewed fighting. Is everything all right_?"

"Still a difficult fight, though our casualties are lower," he replied, smiling as his mother's image appeared on the holo. "Sounds like we'll be getting some assistance soon, the Outlander will be joining us."

" _The Outlander? If that's true, it's encouraging news. News of the Alliance's exploits is heavily filtered here by the Zakuulan military, but bits do get through. It brings hope to a lot of people._ "

"How are things at home?" He always asked that question, quietly fearing the answer.

" _Things here are as you might expect. Food is adequate, though once in a while there are shortages. Those blasted droids keep us on a tight leash. I've had to teach Ruu to keep her head down around them as much as she can when they're around._ "

"How does she handle that?" He cracked a smile, having a feeling he already knew the answer to his question.

" _How did you handle things when you were her age? I swear, she is every bit your little girl, Torian…"_

He heard a muffled commotion on the other end, his mother turning away from the holo to speak to someone offscreen. Suddenly, a small figure appeared with her, hands reaching toward the holo as though trying to grab it.

" _Buir!_ "

He laughed. "Hello, _cyar'ika,_ " he replied. Seeing his little girl always lifted the heaviness in his heart. "Are you still being a good girl for _ba'buir_?"

She nodded. " _I miss you! Are you coming home soon?_ "

He sighed. "Hope so, Ruu," he replied. "Mandalore's needed me out here longer than I expected. Fighting never seems to end."

" _And what about Mama? Have you found her?_ "

He sucked in a sharp breath, his eyes smarting again. He still hadn't told Ruu the truth about Kybri, he had told her he would look for her while he was away. Silently, he shook his head, noting the disappointment that crossed his daughter's face.

" _I miss Mama. I hope you find her._ "

He cleared his throat. "Yeah…I do too," he said, his voice nearly a whisper.

" _Now, Ruu. Your father must have things he needs to take care of. Why don't you go have breakfast?_ " His mother's voice broke into the conversation, distracting the small figure from the holo.

" _Okay._ " Ruu looked back up at him. " _Come home soon, buir. And bring Mama back when you do._ "

"I'll do my best, _cyar'ika_ ," he replied, wiping his eyes with his gloved hand.

With that, she was gone, leaving him staring at the image of his mother.

" _Are you ever going to tell her that her mother isn't coming back?_ " she asked. " _It seems cruel to continue this illusion that Kybrina will return to us._ "

"As long as I tell her that, I can keep up hope as well, _buir_ ," he answered. "It may be stupid, but it's all I've got out here."

She sighed. " _Sometimes, Torian, clinging to ghosts is more dangerous than letting them go._ "

"I know that. But I also need to honor her memory. If that means holding onto a ghost, guess that's what I'll do." Before she could object, he held up a hand. "I need to get some rest before the Outlander arrives. I'll contact you again soon."

" _I understand. Be careful out there._ "

"I will. Be careful, too."

Switching off the holo, he returned it to its place in his pack before laying back on his bunk. Folding his arms behind his head, he tried vainly to ignore the tears trickling from his eyes and coursing down his cheeks. He stared at the ceiling, watching it blur and refocus as his tears formed and fell. Eventually, he drifted off into an exhausted sleep, his last conscious thoughts on Kybri.


End file.
